I used to hate shopping or at least it didn't mean anything much to me. It was more a nuisance than anything else. I have always been a little inclined to melancholia, but last year, my family and I went through something truly horrible, a tragedy that left us in pieces. We still haven't recovered, but we're working on getting back on our feet.


In the meantime, I'm trying my old remedies - mainly reading and watching tv, not to mention hanging out online. To some extent those still work, but they're not enough. To be honest, I also eat comfort food at times, but since that has to be balanced with my sense of guilt over weight issues, it can't be my main resort.


And now we come to my guilty secret: shopping. I've become the sort of person who is constantly looking for things to buy. Fortunately, you might say, I can't afford to buy too much or the house would be overrun with stuff. I also don't fall for just anything, it has to be something that I have some use for. Since I can't afford to buy technology or accessories for technology and if I bought as many books as I want, again, the house would be filled up until it was cracking at the seams, I now shop for clothes (mainly baby clothes) and toys and other things for my babies. But I also look for clothes for myself and still, the stuff I mentioned above.


Browsing shopping sites has helped distract me from my brooding. And as I tell myself when I'm trying to analyse this 'condition' - even if I don't instantly get a wonderful life when I receive (and that's a whole different chapter - getting things delivered out here), my jacket or the jeans or tops that I still haven't been able to order, at least my life will be a little easier, if I can find clothes to wear that fit my new body.


So for a while longer I'm going to be shallow and shop or at least browse the shopping sites. Still, it would be nice if my life could improve miraculously. I could really use a miracle right now.

Source: http://crimsoncorundum.dreamwidth.org/169681.html